Today we gaze into the whirling maelstrom of introspective wonder that is “A Snow Globe Christmas”, starring Alicia Witt and Donald “Scrubs” Faison. Our Christmas Movie Trope this time is the classic “This could have been your life, you heartless workaholic”.
Witt stars as a hard driving television producer pushing her crew to finish, of all things, a sappy TV Christmas movie. On Christmas eve. I’ve done some assignments late before but this seems egregious. “Christmas isn’t for the elves” is her rallying cry to her beleaguered troops who just want to go home to their families. It’s, like, super uninspiring.
While on set a mysterious new worker named Sal (or is she...an angel?!), played by erstwhile popstar Christina Milian, best known as the singer of the Kim Possible theme (Call me, Beep me!) appears to harasses Witt with a snow globe. Having taken enough abuse from this impish interloper, Witt, in a fit of jolly Christmas rage, throws the snowglobe on the floor only to have it bounce up and give her a nasty concussion.
Naturally, Witt awakes from her concussion in a small town surrounded by her husband, Faison, and their two beautiful tenish year old children. This is confusing as Witt: a) Lives in New York, b) Is not married, and c) Has no children. The town doctor, who is clearly not qualified for the job, reassures Witt that she’s had a mild concussion and will be fine. He seems unconcerned with the fact that she insists she has no family and that none of this could be real, dismissing it as “mild amnesia” which, to me, still seems “very serious”.
Witt convinces herself, in one of the film’s more logical moments, that she’s hallucinating the town from the movie she was making and decides to play along. She gamely puts on the local Christmas pageant, though her stern producer ways bleed in and wind up ruining the homey nature of the play, thus infecting the entire town with her Big City Bad Attitude. Combine that with her off hand suggestion to the mayor that they log the local woods and build condos and she’s got quite the mess on her hands.
Will she save the day? Will the woods be logged and replaced with condos, only to release the evil forest spirits that have threatened the magical small town for generations? Maybe part of that is made up. Maybe not. (It is). What will happen when Witt awakes from her concussion? Will her Christmas spirit be rekindled? Who could possibly guess?
I give the film 3.58 out of 5 reindeer (graded, as always, on the Christmas movie curve), for general quality. Witt and Faison aren’t bad, and the movie is ridiculous enough to make it entertaining and there’s no overly dramatic Very Serious Problems that drag down a lot of Christmas movies. As for Christmassness I give it 4.87 nutcrackers out of 5. It’s got a pageant, after all, as well as a snowglobe, Christmas train, Christmas tree decorating, and general caroling.